Stop Chasing the Worth that is Already yours to Claim

What if I could help you never question your worth again?

I’m not one for big, flashy promises – but the below reframe not only ignited the first spark of my “spiritual awakening” (more on that slippery topic later) – but is also the touchstone I return to whenever self-doubt rears its ugly head.

First, a caveat:

This insight will impact you most effortlessly if you already feel deeply connected to God, creator, source, etc. When I share this with my coaching clients – I often see them soften immediately. Not because of anything I said – but because their soul already recognizes it as truth.

If your spiritual connection is still somewhat tenuous – you might have to sit with it for a bit before it hits…and that’s totally ok!! I know I certainly did.

In fact – I had to “sit with” this wisdom for more than a decade before it really took hold of my being.

The concept of “spiritual worth” vs “external worth” dropped into my awareness while reading “The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali” on an M60 bus when I was 19 years old. A Columbia sophomore, I had moved off campus because my nervous system couldn’t handle the lack of privacy / anonymity that dorm-life required. I had stayed out all night clubbing downtown, again – and had to get all the way to 116th & Broadway for yoga class. I never expected one long-ass bus-ride slash cram-session to change my life so immensely and yet...

A part of me hopes that what I share here IS anti-climactic. Because that would mean you’re already well on your way towards the type of all-encompassing, unceasing self-worth that you deserve to feel.

But if you are where I was not too many years ago… this might be a lot to take in. As such, I’ve broken it down into digestible bites, lest you throw the whole mess out as “woo-woo bullshit” as I once would have. Without further ado:

Arriving at absolute external worth is NOT POSSIBLE. It’s not a game you can win – just a scam that keeps you in lack. There is no finish line of satisfaction… just an empty pit of wanting-ness. Working in nightlife, I saw clout-addicted Oscar winners and miserable multi-millionaires with only a dead stare behind their eyes. Old men with private jets – and no one to fly on them with other than cocktail waitresses. It’s almost like… there is no such thing as externally-begotten worth. As someone who hates wasting time and energy, this insight – while it initially seemed too good to be true – just made sense. I had endless data to prove it so! Why keep pouring life force into a bottomless bucket of wanting-ness?
Thoughts are absolutely ridiculous. Humans have been struggling with too-much-thinking for at least as long as history has been recorded. All my young life I fancied my struggles as unique but it turns out – rumination and self-hatred is BASIC AS FUCK. It’s kinda Patanjali’s entire thesis… Now, it is not so easy to just “stop thinking bad thoughts.” But – the awareness alone that our thoughts aren’t real, and that we do possess SOME power over them – is a life-changing realization. Whether you use mantras, inner-child work, parts work, journaling, meditation, Somatic Experiencing or all of the above every single day like I do – the important thing is that you’ve decided: I will not allow some skanky ass thoughts to determine how I value myself. When the thoughts-be-thoting I can simply pause and be like, “brain why you tripping?” – then move on with my life.
All animate beings are inherently, equally, and unquestionably sacred. How wild is it that we are birthed through some mix of biology, mystery, and magic? If you believe that God created you “on purpose and with a purpose” as my friend Madi Murphy says – who are YOU to question your worth? That would be pretty fuckin’ presumptuous of you! And if you’re not sure about the whole God thing – can you instead look at the veinous pattern on the back of a leaf? Smell a rose garden? Pet a goddamn Golden Retriever puppy and then – at least for a second – consider the possibility that all animate life is masterfully-created and wildly beautiful? Not just other beings – YOU FREAKING TOO!

What I now believe is that when our Creator looks down at each of us, he/she/they does so with eyes brimming with a love so powerful that – received its entirety – it would melt all the world’s suffering in an instant. We are not just loved – but treasured. We are a treasure! You, me… every one of us! If believing that makes you think me “delulu” then so be it. Because I don’t need anyone’s outside approval to reinforce me anymore! I know what is true – and I want you to, too!

It’s important for me to say here that this is not my way to trick you into some kind of Amanda-created dogma.

Faith is like water – and organized religion (and even spiritual sects) are just vessels.
If a vessel serves you and doesn’t harm others – great.
But if you know me – you know I just like to splash my water about.
A little splash here – a little slip-n-slide there.
I let my life be the vessel…and I’d only ever encourage you to do the same.

When I tell people how much I used to hate myself, they usually don’t believe me. But the truth is – I was the poster-child for self-loathing and depressive episodes. I needed to get smacked over the head with divine love over and over and over again before I finally gave up on suffering-as-an-indentity and…. surrendered to what I now know is true.

So now it’s MY turn (and my honor) to help others wake up to the inherent, unquestionable, absolutely awe-inspiring, beauty of being them!! And maybe just maybe – this email sparked a little of that truth inside of you.

Even if I don’t know you personally or well – I know that every word I’ve typed in this email is true about you. It’s not even a question! It hurts me to know that so many people will go through their entire lives never loving themselves they way they ought to or could. Maybe you know a few people like that… I know I do. But I’ve learned (the hard way) that we cannot force other people to change no matter how hard we love them. We can only change ourselves and hope that our example might shine a light on what is possible for them, too.

As I prepare for the first becoming collective circle on 1.4.26 I am filled with all kinds of thoughts but mostly… just gratitude. If you read this far and haven’t written me off as a loon then perhaps – we can instead, be besties. What we are building is essentially, a Hogwarts for light-workers: folks who serve as shining examples of how hopeful and heart-forward humans can be. We don’t turn you from muggle to magic – that already lives inside of you or you’d never have arrived at our train station to begin with. We simply provide the structure and support you need to hone those inherent gifts.

I’m enough of a Harry Potter geek to insert a pun about hats & houses here but I’ll spare you the Mom-Jokes for the time being. Instead, I’ll close with the words of master Dumbledore: “Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light”.

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Amanda Baudier

Founder, becoming

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